Pillow Talk from Bedroom in  Chappaqua, New York

Hill:   Bill,  what should  our campaign message be?

Bill:    How about “ Buy one. Get one free!”  I’m free.   I’m part of the deal.  You can’t get me for free, unless you want me to speak, of course.  That's a big deal.

Hill:  Look, this is a political campaign,  not a commercial product.

Bill: What about “Vote for me!  Get him free!”

Hill:  That’s better.  Anything else?

Bill:    Well, you’re looking for support, and they want your support.   How about “Supports your head, back, and neck?” You’ll think about them, back them, and stick your neck out for them.  You could appeal to the sore head,  sore back, and stiff neck demographic.

Hill:  That’s good.

Bill:   How about, “Gives you a good night’s sleep,”  Your opponent  is causing people to lose sleep over the possibility  Trump might be President and give them a nuclear jolt in the middle of the night.   You can say you’ve been recommended by the National Sleep Foundation.  On second thought,  don't do that.  Trump would say your speeches put people to sleep

Hill:   Anything else?

Bill:   How about “Made in the U.S.A.”   That would distract attention from your 4 year tenure as Secretary of State, Bengazi, Libya, and ISIS and all that.   And the  U.S.A chatter would help you avoid talking about those money-making talks I  made abroad to help the Foundation.   You could also note Trump products are made abroad.  And speaking of broads… On second thought, don't do that.    Too many maids have been made by me. Misogyny  may be your Trump card,  but it isn’t mine.

Hill:  Then what?

Bill:   Well, you could say your campaign is washable and dryable, meaning you have washed and cleaned your email server and left your critics out to dry.

Hill: Is that all?

Bill:  No, you could say you come with a 25 year track record and a 4 year guarantee,