Doctor Puns and Health Reform

At long last, someone has taken puns seriously. A former world champion of punning, winner of the 1995 O.Henry Pun-Off World Championships, John Pollack, has written a punstaking book on punning. The 212 page indexed hardcover goes by the name of The Pun Also Rises (Gotham Books, 2011). The book has a revealing subtitle How the Humble Pun Revolutionized Language, Changed History, and Made Wordplay More Than Some Antics.

The book doesn’t have much to say about punning and health reform, although it has these entries on matters of health.

Flabbergasted - appalled at how much weight you’ve gained.

Abdicate - to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Balderdash – a rapidly receding hairline

Rectitude – the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

There are no puns on doctors’ attitudes towards health reform. Fair enough. Anyway, These puns would tend to be negative because most doctors feel the health reform law treats them harshly, decreases their incomes, questions their clinical acumen, prefers computer judgment to human insights, and seeks to organize them into new business models designed by outsiders.

To fill the void, here are a few irreverent and alliterative puns on doctors’ reactions to the health reform law, which physician surveys indicate is about 60% t negative.

Allergists say,“ Scratch it,” while Dermatologists cry, “It’s a rash move.”

These allergic reactions are understandable because these specialists tend to be in solo or small fee-for-service practices. The new law treats these practices punitively.

Gastroenterologists have a negative gut feeling about it, while Neurologists think the Administration has a lot of nerve.

These gut and brain specialists distrust elitist D.C. pundits.

Obstetricians feel those who made the law were laboring under a misconception while Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

The delivery system experts and visionaries claim they don’t need punctilious meddling.

Pathologists yell, "Over my dead body!" While Pediatricians cry, "Oh, Grow up! "

Please forgive them, Lord, for their pungent remarks.

Psychiatrists think the whole idea is madness, while Radiologists can see right through it.

In other words, shrink-wrap it or give it a lethal ionizing punch.

Surgeons have decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

Actually, they would prefer to puncture and drain it.

Internists think it is a bitter pill to swallow, and Plastic Surgeons say, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

In reality, both have aligned themselves into punt formation.

Orthopedists say cast it aside, Urologists say,” Smash it and pass it.”

If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it, and if it’s caste in stone, it too shall pass, like this bad pun.

Anesthesiologists think the whole idea is a gas, and Cardiologists don’t have the heart to say no.

In other words, reform may be a laughable idea, but no good procedure goes unpunished.

Head and Neck Surgeons say not in their neck of the woods, and Otolaryngologists say they have had an each full.

These two are simultaneously puntificating and going for the jocular.

Tweet: Puns may be the lowest form of humor and doctors may be serious people, but that doesn’t make doctors immune to bad punning